It’s really too completely f**ked up to be charming. A beautiful, strong, fierce, loyal angel who entered my life in a pickup truck, carrying a gun. But her bitterness still controls her, while I’ve been delivered. She hadn’t manipulated the fate of another family, not caring about the outcome. Hell, more than anyone, it was my sister who needed saving. I shouldn’t get to hold my son and know such a pure joy.īecause eventually, someone did save me. I shouldn’t be allowed to wake up every morning with this beautiful woman in my arms, who loves me unconditionally. Because I should be burning in hell for my sins. Yet I alone destroyed an innocent girl’s life. It wouldn’t have been my fault that a man had destroyed himself, his life becoming a broken, hollow shell. It wouldn’t have been my fault that the same girl stood at her mother’s graveside, believing that the last person on earth who loved her was dead. It wouldn’t have been my fault that a girl was left alone to take care of her ailing mother. If someone had been there to save us from the lies and bitterness she allowed to fester within us, then maybe things would have been different.
Looking back now, I wish someone had been there to see how my mother had sown the seed of hate inside me.
By the age of ten, I knew hate, and I knew love. They have the capacity to love more fiercely than anyone. It makes for good, heartwarming sayings to hang on their walls and smile at as they pass by.
They say a lot of bullshit like that, because it helps them sleep at night. That children don’t truly hate, because they don’t fully understand the emotion. They say that children have the purest hearts.
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